At Contentment’s End: Why Restlessness Is Crucial For Getting Married

I am not content.

I am married, have three + one (on the way) children, serve as a pastor and have multitudes of blessings surrounding me everyday.   Yet I am not content.

I am not content with the chaotic state of our home and account balances. The affairs of our world sadden me and friends who are hurting and worried keep me unsettled.

I am not content and if you are a single adult desiring marriage you shouldn’t be either.

Being unsettled keeps me moving. The state of discontentment generates drive.   It gives me wings to get up and help, to pray for and encourage others.   Not being satisfied with the way things are currently motivates me to labor for the way things should be.

Underneath it all I have an embedded sense of peace.  Stabilizing shalom stemming from an alive relationship with Christ Jesus.   But this peace is far from perfect and it is not contentment.  I am not home yet.  And neither are you.

Single adult friends, there is no need to force the outward appearance of contentment over not-yet-met desires.  The fundamental peace of Christ will provide you with spiritual bearing while discontentment spurs you on toward establishing life-lasting love.   The secret is to discover joy in the process.   Learn to love the scenery and most importantly the fellow travelers you encounter during this season – as you are walking through it.    Look forward the next phase of your life journey while savoring the moments from this one.   But please do not tell me you are content, unless the thought of remaining indefinitely in the singles demographic is truly fine with you.

Stuffing your own heart pulse is inauthentic and unhelpful to your cause.   If you have a sexual drive and yearn for the companionship intimacy of the opposite sex, then you have been primed by the God of the Universe for family building.   Theologians call it the creation mandate, stated two times in the first book of scripture (Gen 1:28,9:7).  I assure you that going places and participating in groups through an interest in finding your husband or wife is never a “wrong reason.”  Since our creator is the programmer of the romantic-sexual instinct, we would do well to recognize and honor this “right reason” for social motivation.  Discontentment is the prompt God uses to drive us out of isolation and into community.

I can tell immediately when I meet a single adult with both the peace of God AND a palpable discontent in their life.    They have emotional intelligence to connect with others and a visible drive to move toward their goals.   They continually meet new prospects and humbly avail themselves of assistance from friends and mentors along the way.   And before long, their discontentment develops into a beautiful unfolding story of God’s grace.   So here’s to discontentment among singles this year.  With half the adults in the country unmarried our society could stand to be discontented.  May a little discontentment lead to your most fruitful year yet!

Onward friends!