Ever Asked The Question…
“Why Am I Not Married?”
Is it me? Must be them… We all know our courting systems are fractured, yet somehow people in our circles still manage to make it to the altar. Maybe you’ve mastered the everything-is-fine-face yet still wonder how did I get here?
A Toxic Tonic
A swirly mix of toxic ingredients contribute to your present relational status. Even the mere title of this post can evoke wincing pain as we consider all the wounds and unmet expectations we’ve encountered. But healing and peace come from diagnosing and pulling out the roots. Certainly, the forces and degrees of impact are different for each individual, but here are the heavy hitters:
A dastardly dread cloaks this generation, and multiple fears are directly hindering marriages. You and prospective mates may fear financial lack. The prevailing lie is that couples will not be able to support themselves together as a unit so they should remain separate until resources increase. Inflated lifestyle expectations perpetuate and exacerbate these deceptions. Despair, a residual from millions of divorces in the previous generation, nips at us. You may have succumbed to the deception that this fate is inevitable and then played into the pessimistic logic of protective avoidance. Additional fears of stepping into adulthood, forgoing other potentials (will I make the wrong choice?), and being exposed at your most intimate levels contribute to the shroud of apprehension. Parents often plant seeds of caution-excess, “you must wait for this, be careful of this…”
What happened to marriage is awesome and here is how you can prepare?
This climate of fear is a major contributor to the swelling ranks of single adults. For now, I give you my favorite verse, step into its light and let the glory of the Lord shine upon you.
Psalms 27:1 “The Lord is my salvation, whom shall I fear?”
Unleashing our sexuality prior to game time has debilitated many marriage seekers. If you’ve ventured outside the God-designed boundaries, you’re no stranger to the burn and now have deep personal wounds. For some, sexual sin weighs them down like a ball and chain. Shame and frustration create a sense of trepidation over wrecked relationships. You naturally desire the pristine peace of purity but continually encounter the muddied sludge of sexual sin, throttling your search. It’s staggering to consider that some singles have been sexually active for decades with numerous partners, and have yet to make it to the altar. This is not the way!!!
Scripture teaches that immorality in the sexual arena results in a high-grade personal consequence – soul damage (1 Cor 6:18). And soul damage hinders soul integration with another so much so that a radical turnaround is the only remedy. Your soul and marriage pursuit need it!
Some commentators have decreed that we live in a post-marriage climate. Some think its obsolete, so badly bruised that it must be approached with timid caution. Our once pro-marriage culture is hardly helpful to men and women seeking their mates these days. Sweeping tides of hyper-academic and professional competition, the acceptance and glamorization of promiscuity, and the slicing and dicing of traditional marriage contribute to empty the altars. Largely diminished are the once helpful social funnels of civil society. The parlor calls, the wide-spread encouragement from mentors of all types, the not-so-subtle pressure for unmarried men. One friend’s mother recalled how her second husband’s career advancement was delayed by his long-time bachelor status. We live in a different era – One in which those who pursue marriage truly swim upstream.
Are you prepared to be counter-cultural?
Sin polluted cities damage people. Men and women who should be right now donning wedding gear are dealing with the fallout from collateral damage. Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wounds from parents, siblings, friends, love interests, and society clip men and women in their prime. One young twenty-something had trouble trusting men after a male teacher took advantage of his role in her life. A young man still smolders over his father’s neglect. Instantaneous actions and long patterns of wayward behavior create carnage. When young people are abandoned and abused and denied role modeling their alignments become off-centered. Like a dizzy child after a bat spin relay, you may be reeling from carnage inflicted upon you.
How do you plan to counteract the carnage?
Reality avoidance pushes many to exit actual existence through immersion and imagination. Shockingly many have self-medicated the key marital drivers with imitation knock-offs. Instead of whiskey rivers, many drown disappointments and unmet expectations in LCD lights, flying their minds to Never Never Land. Fantasians bury themselves in novels, movies, and dialogues nibbling on the scraps of constructed romantic interludes. Fantasy postpones reality and can freeze a marriage seeker like a deer in the headlights.
Sex becomes a solo sport played out by banging balls against the wall instead of working to find a partner. Our need for a mate seemingly diminishes. Awash in selfishness; the fantasy life slowly demands potential spouses equal phantom forces in sexual appeal and performance. Wondered why the average looking guy holds out for the super-model – an onslaught of pseudo-human imagery has created a mythological female frame in his mind.
What to do after this beat down…
There is hope. Right now a current of marriage seekers who’ve spotted the fears and frauds in the game have determined to be different. That’s what marriage pursuit is about! It’s a community devoted to pursuing marriage rightly, realistically, and rapidly! Check out the posts and resources to get moving. As always we welcome your comments and interaction.