How To Date Like A Christian
- Trust Christ With Your Life
- Understand God’s Design For Marriage
- Discard Immature Attitudes About Dating
- Embrace Biblically Sound Christian Dating
- Be Involved In Productive Social Activity
- Scout Your Mate In Group Settings
- Launch Your Relationship Successfully
- Establish A Pattern of Trust & Respect
- Deal With Challenges That Arise
related link > Desiring God Page
1. Trust Christ With Your Life
It really is impossible to date like a Christian if
What Is Dating From A Biblical Perspective
related link > Godly Dating 101
The Unifying God Desires Your Union
related link > Truelovedates article
Your First Step: Become What You Seek In A Spouse
related link > Boundless
related link > Jefferson Bethke YouTube Video
The Powerful Testimony Of Relationship Purity
Purity propels. That’s one of the refrains you’ll hear throughout the halls of Marrriage Pursuit. The inver-sion of this concept is that impurity erodes relationships.
Let’s state up front the first month of any relationship launch should be traversed with absolute purity. Anything less is simply a course for heartache.
Watch almost any film production today and you will notice messages and insinuations pointing men and women toward increasingly earlier sexual behavior. The immodesty and impropriety in the mass media portrayals of human sexuality can only be summated in this way; godless, unwise, and devastating.
Jennifer and I recently watched a movie I thought was a classic high school movie, Ten Things I Hate About You. I had fond memories of watching this movie with my younger sister several years ago, but now viewing the content through the narrow lens of a husband and father, the prominence of sexualization stunned me. This is the air of our culture. By this devious propaganda machine, you are being primed, programmed and pushed to make the biggest possible marriage pursuit mistake right off the bat, getting physical.
When you practice purity by delaying gratification with your significant other you will experience several blessings. God will be honored and your future spouse respected. You’ll keep your mind free and independent to operate without the undue influence of your own sexual forces thrashing around, and you will maintain the most powerful propellant working in your favor. The secret sauce of marriage pursuit will remain at your disposal, namely the anticipation of unlimited, moral sexual expression.
By practicing purity you’ll keep the pull of sexuality working in your favor, instead of opposing you. Examples of relationships derailed and shattered by premature sexual behavior abound. Our social landscape is littered with the debris of debauchery. Think quickly about relationships that ended hastily and devastatingly by pre-emptive bedroom visits. A study found that relationships fared increasingly better the longer the couple waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those going all the way during the first month showing the worst outcomes. Com-pared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage rated the following:
Relationship stability as 22 percent higher.
Relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher.
Sexual quality as 15 percent better.
Communication as 12 percent better.14
Are we really susceptible to the malicious spin that we should consider sleeping with someone on the first, sec-ond or third date? This in no way makes rational sense. Acting in this way is like handing every login and pass-word you have to a person passing by on street. Excessive access is never wise.
Mark my words, anyone serious about marriage pursuit should harken their ears to the call to purity. In the con-text of biblical morality, sexual boundaries are set by God to keep us from grave harm. Let’s add an additional angle to this same prerogative. Practicing purity makes logical sense for marriage seekers. Being pure makes marriage pursuit sense, even unhinged from a particular moral code. Respecting your own self-worth and resolutely adhering to the program of purity is the most import-ant tactical decision you can make in dating. It’s simple really. By intentionally withholding something that drives you and your significant other onward to deeper integration you create an actionable tension; and this ten-sion spurs motion and drive. It is the carrot inspiring the horse pulling the cart. Practicing purity increases the very will to pursue – the thrill of the chase and the exuberance of being pursued.
Any sexually motivated young man or woman should admire your stance for abstinence even if their practice differs. This program is an actualization of the ultimate fruit of the spirit operating in your life, self-control (Gal. 5:13). When a man or woman indulges in pre-mature sexual activity we instinctively lower our estimation of them. They lose luster in our eyes. Pre-game pleasuring doesn’t pay. Scripture makes clear, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” (I Thess 4:3).
From a psychological perspective, we may be designed to disdain promiscuity in a potential partner because it violates our survival instincts. When women are promiscuous it diminishes the perceived genetic value of her reproductive eggs. Philandering men are viewed as destabilizers as their sexual wandering can lead to additional children in need of support, potentially diverting the fruits of their labor from their first family. Therefore we instinctively recoil at sexual immorality as it is not in our best interests. Survival principles call for sexual fidelity.
Show yourself to be one who has the ability to exert con-trol over your own actions and the benefits will be many.
Give in and your relational fate will frequently resemble that of an ancient city without defensive walls (Pv. 25:28).
Theory is important, but you need some practical steps to walk the straight line from the beginning of your relation-ship. Having worked with couples who crossed the line and then committed to staying pure, I implore you to keep on track the whole time. It will be an unrivaled sensation when you walk the aisle!
For practical steps, be cautious about alone time in each other’s residence. I know that I recommended that you case their casa, but I don’t mean to imply to that you should hang out there regularly. Keep the thrust of your first month’s activities among others to limit the combustible mix of temptation and opportunity. For a twist, consider parks and other venues where you can be “publicly alone.” Making a statement to each other about your intent to remain pure and agreeing to follow a game plan of purity will go a long way to set the right tone. My upfront purity contract conversation with Jennifer is still vivid in my mind. We were sitting next to each in my apartment during our second week of dating. The attraction level was high and we came close to kissing for the first time. She made a protective move away from me and in that moment I knew I needed to share with her my game plan for purity during my pursuit of her. First, I let her know that I was enthralled with her physically but resolute on leading her through our marriage pursuit process with firm standards of purity. Together we defined these standards and instituted a set of protocols as safeguards. These included boundaries for expressing our affection, a commitment to not spend the night under the same roof, having a self-imposed curfew, and a plan to re-confirm our goal. During this conversation we spoke clearly and forthrightly, with passion stemming from the pain of the past, as we established our mutual pact. Being faithful to have this conversation at the onset of your relationship will be transformative for you.
Set the tone with a pledge to double down by making it clear that teasing or looking for loop holes will not be tolerated. Now, the bottom line, purity is practical, purity is precious, and purity will propel your marriage pursuit! “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (I Cor 6:18).
Let’s take a last look at these purity principles:
State your intentions to one another.
Proactively pursue purity through wise boundaries.
Model your sexual protocols on God’s precepts.
Make it clear that enticing is prohibited!
related link > How Far Is Too Far In Christian Dating
Get Good At Scouting Your Mate
related link > MP Scout Your Mate | Psychology Article
A Father’s Perspective
Oh Yeah
My Christian Dating Story
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Forming New Families
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