First Thirty Days

Christian Dating Advice: The Ultimate Guide

July 23, 2019 By J Poland

How To Date Like A Christian

Trust Christ With Your Life
Understand God’s Design For Marriage
Discard Immature Attitudes About Dating
Embrace Biblically Sound Christian Dating
Be Involved In Productive Social Activity
Scout Your Mate In Group Settings
Launch Your Relationship Successfully
Establish A Pattern of Trust & Respect
Deal With Challenges That Arise

1. Trust Christ With Your Life

It really is impossible to date like a Christian if

What Is Dating From A Biblical Perspective

Let’s talk about expectations really quick. When you don’t have a strong relationship with God, you either consciously or subconsciously put unrealistic expectations on your future spouse or your current spouse to fill voids that God is supposed to heal. Only God can be the foundation and firm rock upon which you stand. Not a husband, a wife, a job, finances, a house, cars, or any other worldly thing. So, the best thing you can offer your spouse is a strong relationship with God! Period. _____________ P.S. The 5 Day Pray for Your Future Spouse is FINALLY HERE!!!!! Link in bio. Join thousands of singles from around the world, as we set aside five days to pray intentionally for our future spouse. One of the most powerful ways that you can ensure success in your future marriage is to start praying for your future spouse now. We understand, however, that you may not know what to pray. This is why we will be providing you with the exact words and scriptures to pray each day. Click the link in the bio to join right now!

A post shared by Godly Dating 101 (@godlydating101) on Aug 14, 2018 at 5:18am PDT

The Unifying God Desires Your Union

Double tap if you agree. Be encouraged in your pursuit of marriage!

A post shared by Marriage Pursuit (@marriage__pursuit) on Aug 14, 2018 at 2:25pm PDT

Your First Step: Become What You Seek In A Spouse

The Powerful Testimony Of Relationship Purity

Purity propels. That’s one of the refrains you’ll hear throughout the halls of Marrriage Pursuit. The inver-sion of this concept is that impurity erodes relationships.

Let’s state up front the first month of any relationship launch should be traversed with absolute purity. Anything less is simply a course for heartache.

Watch almost any film production today and you will notice messages and insinuations pointing men and women toward increasingly earlier sexual behavior. The immodesty and impropriety in the mass media portrayals of human sexuality can only be summated in this way; godless, unwise, and devastating.

Jennifer and I recently watched a movie I thought was a classic high school movie, Ten Things I Hate About You. I had fond memories of watching this movie with my younger sister several years ago, but now viewing the content through the narrow lens of a husband and father, the prominence of sexualization stunned me. This is the air of our culture. By this devious propaganda machine, you are being primed, programmed and pushed to make the biggest possible marriage pursuit mistake right off the bat, getting physical.

When you practice purity by delaying gratification with your significant other you will experience several blessings. God will be honored and your future spouse respected. You’ll keep your mind free and independent to operate without the undue influence of your own sexual forces thrashing around, and you will maintain the most powerful propellant working in your favor. The secret sauce of marriage pursuit will remain at your disposal, namely the anticipation of unlimited, moral sexual expression.

By practicing purity you’ll keep the pull of sexuality working in your favor, instead of opposing you. Examples of relationships derailed and shattered by premature sexual behavior abound. Our social landscape is littered with the debris of debauchery. Think quickly about relationships that ended hastily and devastatingly by pre-emptive bedroom visits. A study found that relationships fared increasingly better the longer the couple waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those going all the way during the first month showing the worst outcomes. Com-pared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage rated the following:

Relationship stability as 22 percent higher.

Relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher.

Sexual quality as 15 percent better.

Communication as 12 percent better.14

Are we really susceptible to the malicious spin that we should consider sleeping with someone on the first, sec-ond or third date? This in no way makes rational sense. Acting in this way is like handing every login and pass-word you have to a person passing by on street. Excessive access is never wise.

Mark my words, anyone serious about marriage pursuit should harken their ears to the call to purity. In the con-text of biblical morality, sexual boundaries are set by God to keep us from grave harm. Let’s add an additional angle to this same prerogative. Practicing purity makes logical sense for marriage seekers. Being pure makes marriage pursuit sense, even unhinged from a particular moral code. Respecting your own self-worth and resolutely adhering to the program of purity is the most import-ant tactical decision you can make in dating. It’s simple really. By intentionally withholding something that drives you and your significant other onward to deeper integration you create an actionable tension; and this ten-sion spurs motion and drive. It is the carrot inspiring the horse pulling the cart. Practicing purity increases the very will to pursue – the thrill of the chase and the exuberance of being pursued.

Any sexually motivated young man or woman should admire your stance for abstinence even if their practice differs. This program is an actualization of the ultimate fruit of the spirit operating in your life, self-control (Gal. 5:13). When a man or woman indulges in pre-mature sexual activity we instinctively lower our estimation of them. They lose luster in our eyes. Pre-game pleasuring doesn’t pay. Scripture makes clear, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” (I Thess 4:3).

From a psychological perspective, we may be designed to disdain promiscuity in a potential partner because it violates our survival instincts. When women are promiscuous it diminishes the perceived genetic value of her reproductive eggs. Philandering men are viewed as destabilizers as their sexual wandering can lead to additional children in need of support, potentially diverting the fruits of their labor from their first family. Therefore we instinctively recoil at sexual immorality as it is not in our best interests. Survival principles call for sexual fidelity.

Show yourself to be one who has the ability to exert con-trol over your own actions and the benefits will be many.

Give in and your relational fate will frequently resemble that of an ancient city without defensive walls (Pv. 25:28).

Theory is important, but you need some practical steps to walk the straight line from the beginning of your relation-ship. Having worked with couples who crossed the line and then committed to staying pure, I implore you to keep on track the whole time. It will be an unrivaled sensation when you walk the aisle!

For practical steps, be cautious about alone time in each other’s residence. I know that I recommended that you case their casa, but I don’t mean to imply to that you should hang out there regularly. Keep the thrust of your first month’s activities among others to limit the combustible mix of temptation and opportunity. For a twist, consider parks and other venues where you can be “publicly alone.” Making a statement to each other about your intent to remain pure and agreeing to follow a game plan of purity will go a long way to set the right tone. My upfront purity contract conversation with Jennifer is still vivid in my mind. We were sitting next to each in my apartment during our second week of dating. The attraction level was high and we came close to kissing for the first time. She made a protective move away from me and in that moment I knew I needed to share with her my game plan for purity during my pursuit of her. First, I let her know that I was enthralled with her physically but resolute on leading her through our marriage pursuit process with firm standards of purity. Together we defined these standards and instituted a set of protocols as safeguards. These included boundaries for expressing our affection, a commitment to not spend the night under the same roof, having a self-imposed curfew, and a plan to re-confirm our goal. During this conversation we spoke clearly and forthrightly, with passion stemming from the pain of the past, as we established our mutual pact. Being faithful to have this conversation at the onset of your relationship will be transformative for you.

Set the tone with a pledge to double down by making it clear that teasing or looking for loop holes will not be tolerated. Now, the bottom line, purity is practical, purity is precious, and purity will propel your marriage pursuit! “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (I Cor 6:18).

Let’s take a last look at these purity principles:

State your intentions to one another.

Proactively pursue purity through wise boundaries.

Model your sexual protocols on God’s precepts.

Make it clear that enticing is prohibited!

Get Good At Scouting Your Mate

related link > MP Scout Your Mate | Psychology Article

A Father’s Perspective

Oh Yeah

My Christian Dating Story

Forming New Families

Christian Dating Prayer Guide

July 1, 2018 By J Poland

More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of – Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Have you considered lately the supreme impact that your prayers have upon your pursuit of marriage? There is no ingredient more foundational to Christian dating than the ultimate act of Christian living. Prayer, as we can all confess is the much-neglected aspect of our lives as believers. Regrettably, we seldom reach out to our Almighty Father until great crisis pierces our peace. During the great, God ordained quest to find your mate, take hold of every heavenly endowment so as to fundamentally establish your inner shalom and smooth the way for your matrimony.

It’s no secret that we pray more when we sense our need – when we are on high alert or are uncertain of our ability to control a situation. Since pursuing marriage is a high-intensity endeavor, filled with surges of emotionality and shrouded in a cloud of mystery, prayer must play a prominent role. Prayer is the critical app, the crux upon which everything hinges. It is the link to the heavens which makes the impossible, possible – namely, the successful choreography of one man and one woman in a disordered environment.

Christian dating prayer is the practice of dedicating earnest spiritual energy toward the worthy quest of securing an honorable life mate.

The first thirty days are turbulent, with all sorts of unknowns coming at you from all angles. Weeks one to four are filled with an exhilarating energy, yet the terrain is steep and slippery. Therefore, prayer is essential to regain solid footing each day. I recommend you lay out a minimum rhythm of morning and evening prayer sessions during this first month. Set a time to sit before the Lord when you will earnestly seek Him in prayer.

This is the solitary, uncommon sprawled on your face petitioning – the form of prayer that flows when all spiritual cylinders are firing at once, pleading for divine assistance. Your heart should beat at a faster clip as you communicate with the Lord about this new relationship. You should feel stomach knots and a serious soul crunch as you seek after His will. Pray you must and pray you shall!

Here are some threads to include in your daily prayer:

The Morning Christian Dating Prayer Starter:

Godly discernment for each step forward (Phil. 1:9,10)

Pure eyes and heart throughout the day (1 Thess. 4:3)

A fun way to interact today (Song of Solomon 1:4 )

Discipline for present responsibilities (Proverbs 13:4)

The Evening Christian Dating Pray Starter:

A thankful heart for bringing him/her into your life (1 Thess. 5:18)

Protection and preservation from all manner of threats (Psalms 121:78)

Their heart and mind to be prepared for marriage (Romans 12:1)

As an additional reference, we’ve included the Prayer Chart in the appendix of this book to give you a comprehensive prayer canopy for your marriage pursuit. The time you spend interceding for your relationship, and the man or woman who might become your spouse, will serve to expand and enrich your overall walk with God. One thing is for certain; the Lord has brought this person into a front row position in your life, for an unknown duration, according to His manifold purpose. This brings you the privilege and responsibility to pray over your significant other in a sacrificial way. Shower them with heavenly pleas for blessing and protection, for wisdom and growth. Ask the Lord to heal and touch them within the deepest nooks of their soul. Consider yourself their designated prayer pal as long as you are in the relationship. During this first month (and beyond), conduct your heavenly job with all diligence, praying personally for yourself and interceding on behalf of your significant other.

Doing The Daily: Tasting Real Life Together In Your Christian Dating Relationship

July 1, 2018 By J Poland

Tackle a Chore: One Way To Experience Real Life In Your Christian Dating Relationship

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. – Bette Midler

It can be easy to get completely swept away by the tide of romantic thrills. When a relationship launches everything can seem euphoric, sensational and surreal. Getting inundated with fantastical notions is quite possible.

One of the biggest reasons why so many of the couples established on The Bachelor(ette) shows split following the season is that their relationship was founded on fantasy. Before the much-hyped fantasy-suite, they are systematically regaled by a sequence of surreal dating experiences. Skiing in the Alps, private concerts in city squares, and seaside candlelit dinners become common-place. They dine in style while someone else cleans the plates and sweeps the floors. There isn’t a hint of the “real” daily rigor that would be encountered in any daily home and work environment.

TV Fantasy Dating Land

Seriously, have you ever seen the Bachelor or Bachelorette contestants tackle a chore together?During these first thirty days, we recommend that fun permeate your time together. You should be vibrant and youthful, but also a bit grounded. By adding a dose of your every day to the happy pep of marriage pursuit, you begin to incorporate accurate slices of your life into your relationship. Let’s be candid for a moment; everyone’s life has elements that are routine and unglamorous. There is plenty of tide detergent and toenail clipping, tire rotations and tooth cleanings for all of us.

The introduction of your significant other into this aspect of your life will convey your developing vision for a normal life together. Making a plan to meet for an oil change or stop by the pharmacy shows that you’ve reached a new comfort level, a plateau of reality! You are ready to allow this person to more deeply integrate into your life. Get excited to tackle a chore.

Our First Christian Dating Relationship Chore Together

Jenn and I first tackled a chore by picking up a batch of healthy, ready to eat meals from My Fit Foods¹⁹ as it was launching in Houston. I had become a raving fan of the concept (amen for quick, healthy meals to stock my bachelor refrigerator!) and the product line, even developing a friendship with the proprietors. Visiting the original My Fit store on Shepherd Drive became a ritual for Jenn and me when she came to the city. We would visit our pals inside, sample new nutritional products and each leave with a loaded bag of sustenance for the week. Participating in this task allowed us to share our health and fitness goals with each other and jointly increase our nutritional knowledge base. To this day we have great memories of those trips to My Fit Foods.

While taking the step of tackling a chore you might reveal a part of yourself that has made you insecure—the medical challenge, personal care routine, or financial fear that has been nagging you. While you are tackling the chore you will have a window to share and reveal things to your significant other. So get real and serious about tackling a chore in the first month since no marriage is errand-free!

Tackle A Chore:

Drop the fantasy land notions and get real.

Introduce your significant other to your daily life.

Open up while you tackle the chore together.

Have A Fight: How Intentional Conflict Can Boost Christian Dating & Bless Relationships

July 1, 2018 By J Poland

The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict – William Ellery Channing

For most of us conflict causes instant recoil. Flair-ups are uncomfortable to our framework for early-stage dating and we instinctively dodge them at all costs. It is no surprise then that accommodation and acquiescence are often hallmarks of the first month of a marriage-seeking relation-ship. Picture the awkward scene of a man and woman riding in the car batting back and forth the classic passive dateline, “I don’t know, where would you like to eat?”

Avoidance of any hint of disagreement in a relationship context can border on the absurd. In the name of peacekeeping, you may be tempted to stifle your own unique expression and dilute your personality. This tendency toward excessive conciliation can stunt your growth as a couple, lead to misrepresentation and set the stage for exacerbated combat in the future. Confident marriage seekers should respond to degrees of friction, providing a frequently missed opportunity. The secret is this – successful handling of your first conflictual entanglements can dramatically boost your relationship strength. Guy Burgess writes, “Conflict is the engine of social learning.”

Why A Fight Is A Key Part Of Launching Your Christian Dating Relationship

The discoveries made when our emotions flare up to allow us to adjust and correct in ways not possible with only a superficial understanding. It’s the heat that brings the residue to the surface.

I’ve heard it said that you are not truly friends with someone until you have been through a fight with them. It is the same with a marriage-seeking relationship. Until you experience the raised emotions of crossed personal swords with your new pursuit, you remain in the phony phase, the earliest stage of any relationship, where our posture is over-oriented toward impressing and pleasing the other. Simply put, we won’t truly be ourselves until we’ve gone through conflict. We just showcase the veneer. The sooner you are able to progress out of the phony phase the better. A fight is a solid bet. Ironically, our tendency is to avoid conflict early on in a relationship, even though we understand that every marriage relationship is a continual exercise in conflict management. Life brings tension and strong marriages must handle the pressure successfully! The absence of conflict suggests that one person is unduly subordinating his or her views or preferences to the other. Advising two marriage seekers to seek a sparring match almost sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly what we are doing here.

Have you had experience dealing with conflict at the onset of a new Christian dating relationship or does the thought of instigating a showdown over something minor seems silly? Find out more targeted tactics for building sustainable dating resources inside our book, The First Thirty Days Launching Your Relationship Right.

Christian Dating Safety

July 1, 2018 By J Poland

Christian dating involves a solid element of character investigation. Since ultimately we are more interested in the interior of our person than their exterior, men and women in pursuit must become versed in “heart verification”. Sidenote: the suggestions in this article should not be applied with stiffness or that unattractive brand of seriousness that drowns any or the ever winsome upbeat optimism.

Home Inspections For Christian Dating Safety

Especially in cultures with a heavy Christian influence, it is common for men & women to amplify their spirituality or even pretend that they are a Christ follower for the perceived relational advantage that it gives them with the opposite sex. It is these investigative practices, applied with a heavy heaping of grace that separates savvy Christian daters from more simplistic ones. Essentially your goal is to unearth a large quantity of personal background evidence on your significant other, then sift through all concerns by sorting essential warnings from standard growth area stuff. My wife Jenn had a notoriously discombobulated living space when we met, with small UHual being filled by bags of trash. This was clearly a growth area, not a major reason for concern.

Christian Dating Safety: Verify Who They Say They Are

Verification and investigation are normal features of the first thirty days, with basic dating safety as a priority. With all the vanity and puffery in the world, you must make it your business to get a full sense of the person you are pursuing (or who is pursuing you). Casing a casa provides dramatic visual clues to the manner of living, values, and interests of your significant other. Quite possibly, you may gain more insight from a fifteen-minute tour of personal living space than from ten evening dates. It may be spruced-up, but the casa does not lie. A word of caution – casing the casa is for those who have established a baseline of safety and rapport. This is not for the second date with the guy you met on christianmingle.com. In fact, there is a reason that I positioned this chapter right after circling up. After you have circled up and brought some social currency to bear, then you are ready to visit their home, preferably during daylight hours!

What are the key elements you involve when launching a new relationship?

Find out more from our Book, The First Thirty Days Launching Your Relationship Right.

Christian Dating Prayer Guide

December 4, 2017 By J Poland

More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of – Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Christian dating prayer is the practice of dedicating earnest spiritual energy toward the worthy quest of securing an honorable life mate.

Here are some threads to include in your daily prayer:

The Morning Christian Dating Prayer Starter:

Godly discernment for each step forward (Phil. 1:9,10)

Pure eyes and heart throughout the day (1 Thess. 4:3)

A fun way to interact today (Song of Solomon 1:4 )

Discipline for present responsibilities (Proverbs 13:4)

The Evening Christian Dating Pray Starter:

A thankful heart for bringing him/her into your life (1 Thess. 5:18)

Protection and preservation from all manner of threats (Psalms 121:78)

Their heart and mind to be prepared for marriage (Romans 12:1)

First Thirty Days

How To Date Like A Christian

1. Trust Christ With Your Life

What Is Dating From A Biblical Perspective

The Unifying God Desires Your Union

Your First Step: Become What You Seek In A Spouse

The Powerful Testimony Of Relationship Purity

Get Good At Scouting Your Mate

A Father’s Perspective

My Christian Dating Story

Forming New Families

The Morning Christian Dating Prayer Starter:

The Evening Christian Dating Pray Starter:

Tackle a Chore: One Way To Experience Real Life In Your Christian Dating Relationship

TV Fantasy Dating Land

Our First Christian Dating Relationship Chore Together

Why A Fight Is A Key Part Of Launching Your Christian Dating Relationship

Home Inspections For Christian Dating Safety

Christian Dating Safety: Verify Who They Say They Are

The Morning Christian Dating Prayer Starter:

The Evening Christian Dating Pray Starter:

Begin Your Marriage Pursuit