Christian Dating Advice
These days my mind turns to friends looking for the one in their thirties (and forties). With increased personal & Christian dating advice experience, time for emotional development and financial growth many in this demographic know they are ready to marry. They’ve been READY! Unfortunately, avenues of social connection have often diminished. As an author of Christian dating advice, I was fundamentally struck by one profound exchange. Several months after hosting a large gathering for single adults friends at my house (70+ guests) I caught up with a male friend who attended. I asked him, “Have you been to another event that was as rich with relational potential since my party?” Solemnly he replied that he had not. This individual is handsome, fit, accomplished, moral, and on and on. He is definitely in the top rung of male candidates and should therefore find himself surrounded by ladies every weekend. Why? Because there are THOUSANDS of Christian women living within a 50 mile radius who would be intrigued to mingle with him. What reverberated with me was that entering the thirties can bring a precipitous drop in a single’s social circulation. Friends marry and settle down, singles groups evolve & dissolve, and let’s be real – flirtation fatigue sets in. The result is that less singles plan gatherings and do the work of getting eligible partners under the same roof.
Marriage Pursuit WILL changing these dynamics for you with on target Christian dating advice! Keep reading, you’re in good company.
Cut The Crap
The bottom line is there is probably some segment of your life that is spiritually deficient, out of alignment with the Holy Laws of The Almighty. Let this post isolate the glare and focus the light of God’s Word on this issue. I’ve had hundreds of revealing conversations around the subject of personal vice and weakness. Confess your struggle and start to snip out the snares within.
Would you cut the crap seriously!
The fornication by porn.
The self depreciation and claims of unworthiness.
The extended adolescent folly, seeking to suck you into a fantasy world.
The sheer lack of any initiative at all.
Fundamentally a lack of faith & obedience is behind these hindrances.
Shake Up Your Scene
Consider a wide-scale shuffle of your stomping grounds. While leaving critical anchors in place, switch up your routine. Try residing in a different part of town, or a new city altogether. Switch gyms, grocery stores, coffee shops and other regular stops on your daily route. These types of changes generate a sense a newness & anticipation which will increase your optimism. The thought of “many fish in the sea” brought me encouragement along my route to find Jennifer. For all of us finding our mate is a numbers game, we necessarily course through thousands of potentials until we bond with the ONE. A strategic shake-up is a way to infuse energy into your marriage pursuit when your prospect pool is underwhelming. After the hyper-active teens and twenties, where social engagements abound and dating based peer networks are their strongest, new types of daily encounters present interesting opportunities to meaningfully connect. Ever expanding exploration & an ear for Christian dating advice must be the mode of a savvy single, keep your nose to the ground. Look for promising congregations of potentials and swim rapidly upstream to intersect!
Become A Fixture
A certain degree of regularity is a benefit to any marriage pursuit. Frankly far to many singles fritter around with little to no anchorage at all. Being fixed in important environs; ushers in opportunity to be noticed, to network and establish rapport with others. The key is to be frequent, noticeable and helpful. Active single adults, making an impact upon those around them are much more likely to be presented with premium setup offers. Since marriage is a root establishing endeavor, people who have some sort of root themselves are all the more attractive. Besides when you are a fixture then you have a place of positive fanfare to bring a date back to. It is mighty magnificent to introduce a new bae to a setting that knows you well and can provide a plethora of personal references. A home base where everyone knows your name speaks volumes to your positive attributes. Continuity through inevitable irritations and frictions portends well for your fortitude in the trying estate of marriage. One cool group I know is a single mom ministry based in Houston, led by my friend Shana Naylor.
Follow The Lead Of Your 80yr Old Self
What would your 80yr old self tell you now about your marriage pursuit. I’ve adopted the decision framework of “what would my 80’s yr old self say.” At a leadership event Andy Stanley told the audience to “make the decision that writes the story you want to tell.” In your marriage pursuit, make the maneuvers and choices that lead you toward a mate for the decades. Aim for a mate you could see yourself navigating the high seas of Life’s second half. Rather than overload the scales with sensual lust, factor heavy the friendship factor. Seek one who you can work with on difficult matters, one with a bent toward supportiveness. The advantage of reflecting from a vantage points decades ahead is that desired traits now primary may become secondary or even completely insignificant. One young lady had two suitors, one her grandmother adored and another she did not. Which one did she choose? You’ll have to ask me to find out. Her grandmother prefigured her own 80yr old self and her counsel yielded wise and worthy results!
Balm Your Wounds
Oozing emotional sores are utterly unattractive. We all desire to be heard, to vent, share and release the pain of this life. Many of need professional counseling to sort through and soothe the tumult in our lives. You may have sunk potential relationships by verbally vomiting upon an unprepared partner across the table. In order to date well in the third decade of your life you must seek proper treatment for your soul damage. Consider an in-depth spiritual cleanse, systematically working through the baggage in your life. Issues with parents, siblings, setbacks, and other trauma should be the focus. While it’s true that people connect largely with each others pain – being in a healthy state of healing is paramount for marriage pursuit.
The thirties are the big leagues. Behind you are the furious winds of youth and before you are the smooth breezes of midlife. It is important to approach your marriage pursuit at this point in life with the appropriate degree of maturity and seriousness. No longer is romance based solely on ephemeral feelings and popularity charts, this is real family building time. Ditch the dalliances and summon the man or woman God has made you to be. Spot those childish tendencies and pulls and mount an all-out assault to fully enable your maturity to flourish. Though it may not be be pleasant, ask your parents or another prime adult figure to share any growth areas they see. These will form an obvious checklist to work through as you prepare for your mate.
Seek out an older role model and identify character traits and personal habits that you admire. Scripture is rife with mentor / mentee pairs see [Samuel/David, Jesus/Peter, Paul/Timothy] presenting the importance of one man influencing another. Older role models are critical assets that can help you actively model yourself after another. Who from your network would be an excellent relationship role model? Consider someone who expresses an interest in that area of your life. Imagine meeting with that person once a month. Scripture reminds us Proverbs 27:17 that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Establishing a mentor for the relational realm is innovative and a savvy way to make meaningful movement toward your marriage goal!
Christian Dating Advice: Bless Your X’s
The more you have shed the baggage of the past, the more freed you are to advance into the future.
In Luke 6:28 the Lord tells us to “bless those that curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.” Knowing that it’s our tendency as humans to harden our hearts and bear ill will toward anyone who has not lived up to our expectations, God’s people are exhorted to flip the paradigm. Let’s be straight here, you’ve been knife stabbed more than once by someone you’ve cared about romantically. Via outright cheating, rejection, or game playing and the wounding is staggering and lasting. Few foes conjure the emotional burst of an ex-beau. When you learn to bless them and spiritually set them free, figuratively emancipating them from the shackles within your soul, you profoundly prepare yourself for relationships future!
Become The Answer To Someone’s Prayer
Have you ever pondered how many members of the opposite sex are praying at any moment for their spouse. If there was a ranking of the top 5 prayer request categories I firmly assert that the category related to love & marriage would be solidly in the mix. With our hearts regularly crying for the ONE to be promptly delivered to our doorstep, perhaps this perspective could be helpful. Become the man or woman that the spouse of your dreams is praying for! Jot down right now the attributes and assets your ideal one is likely praying for. Yes, I realize we are not all able to press a level up button in every area of our lives immediately, though the potential for personal growth available to us is astounding. Scour the scriptures, move from a cursory knowledge of scripture to a great grasp of the of God’s Word. Shed the extra lbs and decrease the debt. Brush up on your conversational ability and glean some new fronts of familiarity. Complete the incomplete in your life; be it degree, decision, or dream. Dominate the delinquencies and deficiencies in your life. Ditch habits and haunts that offer not a positive contribution to the worthy quest at hand.
Set Something Aside
You’ve no doubt got some habit or hobby which add complexity and clutter to your life. For me it was incessant internet news gobbling. You would have thought I could subsist on a diet of right leaning commentary. What do you need to brush beside and behind you while you quest for the love of your life? Consider how inconsequential some of your endeavors must be in light of scouting & kickstarting THE relationship of your life. Perhaps you continue to play softball while dating is high on your mind, but reduce down to once per week. Temper that hobby gobbling your weekends and raise the priority level for your marriage pursuit.
Work With A Recruiter
Recruiters build ramps between parties who may not be able to reach one another. One may be too high, another may be too low and miss each if not for the helpful intervention of an artful recruiter. Who have you employed on the trail to find your mate? Wouldn’t it be groovy to have a handful of hearty supporters commissioned to scout for you? Surely sets of eyes are more powerful than your single pair. Identify worthy recruiters and present them with your prototype. Ask them to keep an eye for you and report back when they interact with promising potentials fitting your general pattern. Consider how you can spur the recruiters in your life on with these Christian dating advice prompts:
Who do you know that is single, Godly and good-looking (hehe)?
Who from your rolodex could you see me building a meaningful connection with?
Go To The Well
By now you should have learned that where you fish is more important than what you fish with. Ride with a professional fishing guide and you’ll discover that their focus is overwhelmingly on positioning the boat where the fish are. Harness their hints. Be willing to go where the profitable prospects are [NEWSFLASH: There is no shame in being strategic]. Fishermen head toward the fish, salesmen follow the sales leads, and you my friend need to be where the mate you desire is dancing.
Get there, stop making excuses and position yourself wisely. I wrote an article on this specifically for Christian women.
Social history can have a powerful bearing on midlife connections. Our next door neighbors circled-back in their 30’s after divorces, my best friends parents circled-back as former flames after losing their spouse. You now have an extensive list of opposite sex friends and flirts who are worthy of consideration as you pursue marriage at this point. No matter the official prior status of your relationship before, and disregarding any silly social stratas, ask yourself who was an enjoyable pal when you were younger? Scan through social media and inquire conversationally with friends about who from school is single. Consider that former lab partner, or the intern who officed next to you at the firm as potential prospects. Your relationship could commence quickly with the additive of pre-existing camaraderie and capital.
Christian Dating Advice
We would enjoy hearing from you and being part of your journey toward a God centered marriage relationship.