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The Get Married In Your Thirties Guide

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Christian Dating Advice

These days my mind turns to friends looking for the one in their thirties (and forties). With increased personal & Christian dating advice experience, time for emotional development and financial growth many in this demographic know they are ready to marry. They’ve been READY! Unfortunately, avenues of social connection have often diminished.  As an author of Christian dating advice, I was fundamentally struck by one profound exchange. Several months after hosting a large gathering for single adults friends at my house (70+ guests) I caught up with a male friend who attended. I asked him, “Have you been to another event that was as rich with relational potential since my party?” Solemnly he replied that he had not. This individual is handsome, fit, accomplished, moral, and on and on. He is definitely in the top rung of male candidates and should therefore find himself surrounded by ladies every weekend. Why? Because there are THOUSANDS of Christian women living within a 50 mile radius who would be intrigued to mingle with him. What reverberated with me was that entering the thirties can bring a precipitous drop in a single’s social circulation. Friends marry and settle down, singles groups evolve & dissolve, and let’s be real – flirtation fatigue sets in. The result is that less singles plan gatherings and do the work of getting eligible partners under the same roof.

Marriage Pursuit WILL changing these dynamics for you with on target Christian dating advice! Keep reading, you’re in good company.

Cut The Crap

The bottom line is there is probably some segment of your life that is spiritually deficient, out of alignment with the Holy Laws of The Almighty. Let this post isolate the glare and focus the light of God’s Word on this issue. I’ve had hundreds of revealing conversations around the subject of personal vice and weakness. Confess your struggle and start to snip out the snares within.

Would you cut the crap seriously!

The fornication by porn.

The self depreciation and claims of unworthiness.

The extended adolescent folly, seeking to suck you into a fantasy world.

The sheer lack of any initiative at all.

Fundamentally a lack of faith & obedience is behind these hindrances.

Shake Up Your Scene

Consider a wide-scale shuffle of your stomping grounds. While leaving critical anchors in place, switch up your routine. Try residing in a different part of town, or a new city altogether. Switch gyms, grocery stores, coffee shops and other regular stops on your daily route. These types of changes generate a sense a newness & anticipation which will increase your optimism. The thought of “many fish in the sea” brought me encouragement along my route to find Jennifer. For all of us finding our mate is a numbers game, we necessarily course through thousands of potentials until we bond with the ONE. A strategic shake-up is a way to infuse energy into your marriage pursuit when your prospect pool is underwhelming. After the hyper-active teens and twenties, where social engagements abound and dating based peer networks are their strongest, new types of daily encounters present interesting opportunities to meaningfully connect. Ever expanding exploration & an ear for Christian dating advice must be the mode of a savvy single, keep your nose to the ground.  Look for promising congregations of potentials and swim rapidly upstream to intersect!

Become A Fixture

A certain degree of regularity is a benefit to any marriage pursuit. Frankly far to many singles fritter around with little to no anchorage at all. Being fixed in important environs; ushers in opportunity to be noticed, to network and establish rapport with others. The key is to be frequent, noticeable and helpful. Active single adults, making an impact upon those around them are much more likely to be presented with premium setup offers. Since marriage is a root establishing endeavor, people who have some sort of root themselves are all the more attractive. Besides when you are a fixture then you have a place of positive fanfare to bring a date back to. It is mighty magnificent to introduce a new bae to a setting that knows you well and can provide a plethora of personal references. A home base where everyone knows your name speaks volumes to your positive attributes. Continuity through inevitable irritations and frictions portends well for your fortitude in the trying estate of marriage.  One cool group I know is a single mom ministry based in Houston, led by my friend Shana Naylor.

Follow The Lead Of Your 80yr Old Self

What would your 80yr old self tell you now about your marriage pursuit. I’ve adopted the decision framework of “what would my 80’s yr old self say.” At a leadership event Andy Stanley told the audience to “make the decision that writes the story you want to tell.” In your marriage pursuit, make the maneuvers and choices that lead you toward a mate for the decades. Aim for a mate you could see yourself navigating the high seas of Life’s second half. Rather than overload the scales with sensual lust, factor heavy the friendship factor. Seek one who you can work with on difficult matters, one with a bent toward supportiveness. The advantage of reflecting from a vantage points decades ahead is that desired traits now primary may become secondary or even completely insignificant. One young lady had two suitors, one her grandmother adored and another she did not. Which one did she choose? You’ll have to ask me to find out. Her grandmother prefigured her own 80yr old self and her counsel yielded wise and worthy results!

Balm Your Wounds

Oozing emotional sores are utterly unattractive. We all desire to be heard, to vent, share and release the pain of this life. Many of need professional counseling to sort through and soothe the tumult in our lives. You may have sunk potential relationships by verbally vomiting upon an unprepared partner across the table. In order to date well in the third decade of your life you must seek proper treatment for your soul damage. Consider an in-depth spiritual cleanse, systematically working through the baggage in your life. Issues with parents, siblings, setbacks, and other trauma should be the focus. While it’s true that people connect largely with each others pain – being in a healthy state of healing is paramount for marriage pursuit.

Grow Up

The thirties are the big leagues. Behind you are the furious winds of youth and before you are the smooth breezes of midlife. It is important to approach your marriage pursuit at this point in life with the appropriate degree of maturity and seriousness. No longer is romance based solely on ephemeral feelings and popularity charts, this is real family building time. Ditch the dalliances and summon the man or woman God has made you to be. Spot those childish tendencies and pulls and mount an all-out assault to fully enable your maturity to flourish. Though it may not be be pleasant, ask your parents or another prime adult figure to share any growth areas they see. These will form an obvious checklist to work through as you prepare for your mate.

Model Yourself

Seek out an older role model and identify character traits and personal habits that you admire. Scripture is rife with mentor / mentee pairs see [Samuel/David, Jesus/Peter, Paul/Timothy] presenting the importance of one man influencing another. Older role models are critical assets that can help you actively model yourself after another. Who from your network would be an excellent relationship role model? Consider someone who expresses an interest in that area of your life. Imagine meeting with that person once a month. Scripture reminds us Proverbs 27:17 that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Establishing a mentor for the relational realm is innovative and a savvy way to make meaningful movement toward your marriage goal!

Christian Dating Advice: Bless Your X’s

The more you have shed the baggage of the past, the more freed you are to advance into the future.
In Luke 6:28 the Lord tells us to “bless those that curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.” Knowing that it’s our tendency as humans to harden our hearts and bear ill will toward anyone who has not lived up to our expectations, God’s people are exhorted to flip the paradigm. Let’s be straight here, you’ve been knife stabbed more than once by someone you’ve cared about romantically. Via outright cheating, rejection, or game playing and the wounding is staggering and lasting. Few foes conjure the emotional burst of an ex-beau. When you learn to bless them and spiritually set them free, figuratively emancipating them from the shackles within your soul, you profoundly prepare yourself for relationships future!

Become The Answer To Someone’s Prayer

Have you ever pondered how many members of the opposite sex are praying at any moment for their spouse. If there was a ranking of the top 5 prayer request categories I firmly assert that the category related to love & marriage would be solidly in the mix. With our hearts regularly crying for the ONE to be promptly delivered to our doorstep, perhaps this perspective could be helpful. Become the man or woman that the spouse of your dreams is praying for! Jot down right now the attributes and assets your ideal one is likely praying for. Yes, I realize we are not all able to press a level up button in every area of our lives immediately, though the potential for personal growth available to us is astounding. Scour the scriptures, move from a cursory knowledge of scripture to a great grasp of the of God’s Word. Shed the extra lbs and decrease the debt. Brush up on your conversational ability and glean some new fronts of familiarity. Complete the incomplete in your life; be it degree, decision, or dream. Dominate the delinquencies and deficiencies in your life. Ditch habits and haunts that offer not a positive contribution to the worthy quest at hand.

Set Something Aside

You’ve no doubt got some habit or hobby which add complexity and clutter to your life. For me it was incessant internet news gobbling. You would have thought I could subsist on a diet of right leaning commentary. What do you need to brush beside and behind you while you quest for the love of your life? Consider how inconsequential some of your endeavors must be in light of scouting & kickstarting THE relationship of your life. Perhaps you continue to play softball while dating is high on your mind, but reduce down to once per week. Temper that hobby gobbling your weekends and raise the priority level for your marriage pursuit.

Work With A Recruiter

Recruiters build ramps between parties who may not be able to reach one another. One may be too high, another may be too low and miss each if not for the helpful intervention of an artful recruiter. Who have you employed on the trail to find your mate? Wouldn’t it be groovy to have a handful of hearty supporters commissioned to scout for you? Surely sets of eyes are more powerful than your single pair. Identify worthy recruiters and present them with your prototype. Ask them to keep an eye for you and report back when they interact with promising potentials fitting your general pattern. Consider how you can spur the recruiters in your life on with these Christian dating advice prompts:

Who do you know that is single, Godly and good-looking (hehe)?

Who from your rolodex could you see me building a meaningful connection with?

Go To The Well

By now you should have learned that where you fish is more important than what you fish with. Ride with a professional fishing guide and you’ll discover that their focus is overwhelmingly on positioning the boat where the fish are. Harness their hints. Be willing to go where the profitable prospects are [NEWSFLASH: There is no shame in being strategic]. Fishermen head toward the fish, salesmen follow the sales leads, and you my friend need to be where the mate you desire is dancing.
Get there, stop making excuses and position yourself wisely. I wrote an article on this specifically for Christian women.

Circle Back

Social history can have a powerful bearing on midlife connections. Our next door neighbors circled-back in their 30’s after divorces, my best friends parents circled-back as former flames after losing their spouse. You now have an extensive list of opposite sex friends and flirts who are worthy of consideration as you pursue marriage at this point. No matter the official prior status of your relationship before, and disregarding any silly social stratas, ask yourself who was an enjoyable pal when you were younger? Scan through social media and inquire conversationally with friends about who from school is single. Consider that former lab partner, or the intern who officed next to you at the firm as potential prospects. Your relationship could commence quickly with the additive of pre-existing camaraderie and capital.

Christian Dating Advice

We would enjoy hearing from you and being part of your journey toward a God centered marriage relationship.

Five Reasons You’re Not Married

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Ever Asked The Question…

“Why Am I Not Married?”

Is it me?   Must be them…   We all know our courting systems are fractured, yet somehow people in our circles still manage to make it to the altar.  Maybe you’ve mastered the everything-is-fine-face yet still wonder how did I get here?

WHY?

A Toxic Tonic

A swirly mix of toxic ingredients contribute to your present relational status.   Even the mere title of this post can evoke wincing pain as we consider all the wounds and unmet expectations we’ve encountered.  But healing and peace come from diagnosing and pulling out the roots.   Certainly, the forces and degrees of impact are different for each individual, but here are the heavy hitters:

Fear

A dastardly dread cloaks this generation, and multiple fears are directly hindering marriages.   You and prospective mates may fear financial lack.   The prevailing lie is that couples will not be able to support themselves together as a unit so they should remain separate until resources increase.  Inflated lifestyle expectations perpetuate and exacerbate these deceptions.   Despair, a residual from millions of divorces in the previous generation, nips at us.   You may have succumbed to the deception that this fate is inevitable and then played into the pessimistic logic of protective avoidance.   Additional fears of stepping into adulthood, forgoing other potentials (will I make the wrong choice?), and being exposed at your most intimate levels contribute to the shroud of apprehension.  Parents often plant seeds of caution-excess, “you must wait for this, be careful of this…”

What happened to marriage is awesome and here is how you can prepare?

This climate of fear is a major contributor to the swelling ranks of single adults.   For now, I give you my favorite verse, step into its light and let the glory of the Lord shine upon you.  

Psalms 27:1 “The Lord is my salvation, whom shall I fear?”

Immorality

Unleashing our sexuality prior to game time has debilitated many marriage seekers.   If you’ve ventured outside the God-designed boundaries, you’re no stranger to the burn and now have deep personal wounds.   For some, sexual sin weighs them down like a ball and chain.   Shame and frustration create a sense of trepidation over wrecked relationships.   You naturally desire the pristine peace of purity but continually encounter the muddied sludge of sexual sin, throttling your search.    It’s staggering to consider that some singles have been sexually active for decades with numerous partners, and have yet to make it to the altar.   This is not the way!!!

Scripture teaches that immorality in the sexual arena results in a high-grade personal consequence – soul damage (1 Cor 6:18).   And soul damage hinders soul integration with another so much so that a radical turnaround is the only remedy.   Your soul and marriage pursuit need it!

Culture

Some commentators have decreed that we live in a post-marriage climate.    Some think its obsolete, so badly bruised that it must be approached with timid caution.   Our once pro-marriage culture is hardly helpful to men and women seeking their mates these days.   Sweeping tides of hyper-academic and professional competition,  the acceptance and glamorization of promiscuity, and the slicing and dicing of traditional marriage contribute to empty the altars.    Largely diminished are the once helpful social funnels of civil society.   The parlor calls, the wide-spread encouragement from mentors of all types, the not-so-subtle pressure for unmarried men.   One friend’s mother recalled how her second husband’s career advancement was delayed by his long-time bachelor status.   We live in a different era –  One in which those who pursue marriage truly swim upstream.

Are you prepared to be counter-cultural?

Carnage

Sin polluted cities damage people.  Men and women who should be right now donning wedding gear are dealing with the fallout from collateral damage.    Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wounds from parents, siblings, friends, love interests, and society clip men and women in their prime.   One young twenty-something had trouble trusting men after a male teacher took advantage of his role in her life.    A young man still smolders over his father’s neglect.   Instantaneous actions and long patterns of wayward behavior create carnage.    When young people are abandoned and abused and denied role modeling their alignments become off-centered.   Like a dizzy child after a bat spin relay, you may be reeling from carnage inflicted upon you.

How do you plan to counteract the carnage?  

Fantasy

Reality avoidance pushes many to exit actual existence through immersion and imagination.   Shockingly many have self-medicated the key marital drivers with imitation knock-offs.    Instead of whiskey rivers, many drown disappointments and unmet expectations in LCD lights, flying their minds to Never Never Land.   Fantasians bury themselves in novels, movies, and dialogues nibbling on the scraps of constructed romantic interludes.   Fantasy postpones reality and can freeze a marriage seeker like a deer in the headlights.

Idolatrous expectations

Sex becomes a solo sport played out by banging balls against the wall instead of working to find a partner.    Our need for a mate seemingly diminishes.   Awash in selfishness; the fantasy life slowly demands potential spouses equal phantom forces in sexual appeal and performance.   Wondered why the average looking guy holds out for the super-model – an onslaught of pseudo-human imagery has created a mythological female frame in his mind.

What to do after this beat down…

There is hope.   Right now a current of marriage seekers who’ve spotted the fears and frauds in the game have determined to be different.    That’s what marriage pursuit is about!  It’s a community devoted to pursuing marriage rightly, realistically, and rapidly!    Check out the posts and resources to get moving.  As always we welcome your comments and interaction.

Onward,

How Will I Know?

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What is it about Whitney Houston’s songs?   As a youngster I remember cruising our suburban streets in my father’s convertible jamming out to her pop-jam melodies, the passionate lyrics serving to preview the fervent emotion of  upcoming love relationships. She wanted to know If he really loved her.  

There’s an intensity emanating from this song.  A prayer with every heartbeat.  Feeling weak and having difficulty speaking.   Wondering if he really cares for her to the point of shaking with anticipation.   Her emphatic plea to share what you know about “these things” resonates with our deep need to understand our commitment level in real-time.  Whitney sang from an earlier point in the relationship, but the refrain rings home.  We need discernment to make decisions.

When I first started working I remember co-workers telling me that the first time she went on a date with her husband, “she just knew.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all received that type of clarity?

So how do you know?

Dating involves a series of progressive checkpoints where each individual has the option to consent to increasing levels of commitment and exclusivity.   Therefore, a major component of marriage pursuit is timely decision making.  Wise determinations are integral in securing a life long relationship so active synchronization of your expectations and evaluation of your significant other is vital.

A male friend recently asked whether he should proceed to next level with the woman he’s been pursuing.   He sought confident assurance that he was  on the right track with the woman he’d been in relationship with for a few months.  Here are some evaluative questions for everyone preparing for this juncture:

  • Do you thirst to be around this person?

Is there a pull, a palpable current drawing you together?   Marriage bound men and women unconsciously seek to be together.   They like being in each other’s presence (within healthy bounds, people) and look forward to the next time they are able to be together.  They sense the mysterious hand guiding them together, and generally override opposing currents.   Bottom line, you should yearn to integrate this person in your life and have a sense of destiny.    If you find yourself angling for solitude as a regular practice, or find getting together becoming a grind then you may have the answer you’ve been looking for.

  • Do you trust them?

We’re talking about granting someone the most intense human access to you.    Your time, resources, energy, body, heart.   They will have prime influence over your children.   Therefore, it is exceedingly wise to ask yourself, “Do I trust this person to lovingly and permanently guard the well-being of myself and my children.”   Have they been upfront with you, confessed transgression and given you plenty of positive reason to have full faith in them?    If this question gives you pause then your relationship needs much more time to clarify.  It may need to end!

  • Do they have the character that you envision for your life companion?

As a whole do you see character and spiritual flourishing indicative of a man or woman who you would be proud to call your spouse?   This doesn’t mean unleash a litany of faults and grievances.  The art here is to gauge their internal fortitude, emotional intelligence and project future patterns.   What do you foresee?   Is the heart foundation in place for you to be confident in their continuing growth.   Do they burn inside when they transgress? Are they respected by peers and associates and regarded as someone who reflects the fruits of the spirit?

  • Would they make an excellent mother or father?

You’re looking to fill two massive positions with one person here.   One key to making the critical decision is to factor parenthood into the equation.   Will they willingly talk about intentions for children?   These roles are far to serious and significant to not be discussed by mature adults.   Do you see the innate qualities of good parenting, patience, kindness, commitment, and maturity?  Are they ready to allow another to be the center of their life?  How comfortable are they in social interactions with young children?  Does anyone currently trust them to care for their children?   They key element is desire.  We all need to grow in this area!

  • Do you want to marry them?

That’s right.  Straight up, do you want, desire, yearn to merge and irreversibly connect your life with the man or woman in your life right now?    Have you identified something so worthy, a connection so strong that you would gladly forsake all others?   This is not a matter of qualification, or character, it’s a question of your will.    If your will is not strongly swaying you forward then you would be well served to give serious consideration to redirecting your pursuit elsewhere.   Facing two choices (go all in or get out) at a critical juncture, my wife asked herself this question and answered “no.”  This led to a remarkably poignant discovery, she did not want to marry him.  Even though we were several years away from meeting, she was waiting to marry me!

Do You Know?

By now you should have a growing sense of your path forward.   How easily and comfortably you answered these questions gives you an internal awareness of where you stand.   These are major decisions, but you’re not in this alone.   The greatest counselor in the universe, The Holy Spirit, will advise you.   Set an appointment with Him first.  Then involve the council and color commentary of trusted friends and married advisors.   You’ll get the answer that Whitney Houston and countless others have yearned for!  You’ll know!

The Day After The Break-Up

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After the conversation winds down, you reach for the car door and your hand slides uneasily into the handle. Looking back toward the one who you thought would be a fixture in your future, it startles you to realize they are rapidly receding into your past.  You’re extremely disheartened.

Is this really the end?

Heartbreak. Heartache. What Now?

As your head swirls, you sprawl out on your bed, securely entrenched under a pillow mountain, wailing and whining. Then amidst all the torrent of grief, a thought suddenly reverberates through your mind; tomorrow is the first day without your SO (Significant Other) in the picture. Recently I’ve scanned through my own flip book of break-up memories. The most dramatic culminated with a four sentence email to an unreturned phone call that stopped me in my tracks.

She met someone else and choose him over me.

For nights when relational tragedy strikes and you find yourself struggling to get your bearings consider these “day after” recovery steps. You must know that this break-up is NOT the end of your marital quest. In fact, break-ups can serve as a springboard to major progress toward connecting with your mate, either this person or someone else. This post is all about properly regaining your footing and continuing on in your marriage pursuit journey.

“He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.” Psalms 18:33

1) Ground Yourself Spiritually

Red alert time has a way of driving us toward the Almighty. Cut off the noise and and sit before the Lord immediately in the morning. Pause your social media accounts, tune-out news cycles and pour out your emotions directly to your Creator. Absolutely avoid destructive behavior or communication (alcohol is not helpful here). As a protective buffer surround yourself with hymns and spiritual songs. During our college years “hibernation” was a term my friends coined to describe the self-imposed solitude on the day after a break-up. I can still recall hearing praise music billowing through my roommate’s door after his girlfriend ended their relationship. A few hours later he emerged a totally refreshed man. The pain wasn’t gone, but the healing process was in full swing.

2) Recall Previous Recoveries

For everyone with experience beyond the teen years, we’ve experienced pain gradually receding from our mind and hearts. Within your soul you have forensic proof that you eventually can (and will) move forward. Understandably wounds from the past may remain, but we must admit the pain has been significantly reduced. These recoveries are nothing short of miraculous, a mercy from God. YOU CAN LOVE AGAIN. You can HOPE again, and there will be other prospects with great marriage potential who will generate that internal butterfly flurry inside you. Remember the past and look again toward the future with a fresh sense of anticipation.

3) Rationally Consider Getting Back Together

As your mind begins to settle for it’s first break from the spin cycle, float this question, “Is there a chance that we might get back together?” Another angle to frame your analysis is to ask yourself if you learned anything from your time together, the lessons now more lucid due to the separation, or discovered something from their handling of the break-up that reveals a non-negotiable fault. If you identify a character fracture, evidence of an underlying moral or emotional deficiency giving you pause to continue on with this person, then give careful thought to permanently shutting the door.  During the aftermath, be careful not to sour the image of your loved one in the eyes of your friends and family with careless words spoken out of anguish. If you do come back together you’ll be glad you tempered your words.

4) Rejoice In New Opportunities

My favorite moment in a post-break counseling session is when I get to remind them that the ocean is enormous. It really is. The pool of single men and women has never been higher and what that means for you at a juncture like this is that there are limitless potentials. Allow yourself to take a pause from despair and set your eyes on the possibilities. What is the best case scenario? Ponder the incredible man or woman that you might meet. In God’s grace, you’ve got great things coming!

5. Be With Friends

Few things in this life are sweeter than bonding with good friends. This is one of those times to cling to them. Don’t worry about being needy.  On this day feel free to claim time to unload your thoughts and emotions as needed. The tide often pulls us towards solitude, but fellowship is part of the restorative recipe.   Consider settings where you can be with friends and meet new people.   Even with a reeling heart, the simple joy of an initial conversation can be quite encouraging.

6.   Codify The Lessons

It’s therapeutic and profoundly valuable to write down and record your state of mind.   What happened and how does it make you feel?   While the intensity of the situation is still fresh, consider what you’ve learned.   Maybe you discovered a character trait you know you would avoid going forward or realized that one certain pattern of behavior is detrimental to relational success.   Harness this wisdom for what’s to come.

The Email

There were only four lines in the simple email which streamlined one precise, stabbing realization in my mind; I was out. Our early stage relationship was all set to flourish.  We were having fun following a godly trail, when out of nowhere two phone calls went unreturned. Then a most unwelcome email wedged its way into my inbox and hit me like a rocket grenade. Knocked to the ground I remember clinging to the only firm foundation I knew. The sweet things of God. I had a CD (this was 2001) of praise tunes that played over and over. In the car, at work, at home this music inspired by God’s Holy Spirit soothed my soul. Like a shield, those melodies surrounded me with love, they wouldn’t let sink into total despair.

Amazing how over a decade later the emotion of those days can be so vivid.

You’ve been there. You’ve had the bottom fall out from under you like an earthquake that shook you to the core.

BUT, you’ve also experienced the miraculous wonder of regaining your footing. HE will help you back up again. Take one step forward in faith today. And one more tomorrow.  You’ll see.

How To Spot A Marriage Ready Man

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Where is this relationship going? 

After crashing and burning several times, you realize that much of a relationship’s potential is set by the predetermined objective of each partner.   As they enter the relationship they inevitably bring a vision for how it should end.   And remember every relationship terminates; it either blossoms into a marriage or ends in severance.   Auto salesmen know how to spot a ready buyer.   They exit their car differently and have a cadence as they approach the showroom.  Even though they try to conceal their intent, they linger a certain way over the car and let key clues slip.

One of the keys to women pursuing marriage is quickly identifying readiness in a man. He needs to be marriage ready, or you’re taking a major risk with your time and heart. What are the indicators that a man is earnestly on the hunt for his wife?   Look for these indicators:

1.   Fast Paced

You’ll recognize a man-on-a-mission right away.  He wants your phone number now, or he’ll ask you out and and set the date instantly.   His timetable is measured in months not years.   The inner man has been unleashed and nothing will sidetrack him from a primal drive to find his wife and build his family.   Picture the difference between a person strolling leisurely through the mall and a hurried shopper heading straight toward a specific store.  Proverbs 18:22 implies this masculine urgency!

2.  Room

Marriage ready men make a point to carve room in their lives and schedules for pursuing their wife.  They figure out how to complete their work in less time, reduce entanglements and diversions, and set their minds on their desire to get married.   They don’t  make excuses about not being able to call, text, message, connect.  They find the means to make a way and just plain get-it-done.

3.  Grown Up

He loves his friends and understand one of their main roles at this stage in life is to help him get married.   His friends are not a council with authority over his life, but encouragers who support him and adapt to his pursuit of marriage.    He has his hobbies properly bounded, enjoyed but not overdone.   Men who are grown up bear the hallmarks of a man.   They actually may reside at home or in a creative living arrangement, but for a season and a strategic reason.

4.  Uses The “M” and “C” Words

Marriage and children are words of anticipation for men who have been readied for their wife search.   They are comfortable discussing and engaging in such topics in appropriate ways, such as referencing laboring hard in order to fund the future.   Encounters with weddings and childcare situations become opportunities for them to shine and speak about their dreams of family. My wife often speaks out future family references to serious dating couples, such as “you guys would conceive beautiful children.” The reaction of the man says everything about his marriage readiness.  Sadly, the men that squirm and speak inappropriately are on the severance track.

5. Packed And Ready

Is there an SUV commercial without a tailgate filled to the brim with camping supplies?  When we’re ready to travel we get our gear in place.   So it is with men who are marriage ready.  They are packed and ready; they have given thought to their finances and are aggressively pounding debt and accumulating savings.    With resourceful eyes, they hunt for new deals, opportunities and ways to strengthen their position.  They have dealt with the majority of their wounds and insecurities and stand upon the foundation of peace with God.

 6.  Consider The Heart

When men get serious about marriage they begin to elevate the importance of a women’s inner life in their attraction equation.   The days of zoning only on “hot” exteriors ends and a new era of broad range character assessment begins.   You can tell a man is ready for marriage by who he has recently pursued and the lines of questions that he uses.   Marriage minded men inquire after the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Learning to spot marriage ready men is an acquired skill, developed over time and aided by understanding. The next time a potential suitor waltzes toward you, use these indicators to reach an informed determination of his marriage intention level.    As a rule, if a man isn’t set on pursuing marriage then there isNO WISDOM in engaging his interest.

Ask him, “What is the purpose behind your interest?”

So get out there and spot those men with marriage on their mind, get savvy, get smart and decide to move toward marriage.

Let us know how we can help,

The Ask

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Everything hinges on the ask.

In a time when compatible men and women routinely slip past each other without so much as a hint of an ask, stand out by employing this powerful technique.   There is nothing new about the ask.  The ancients understood it, as did the romantics of the previous centuries.   But many men in our world appear to be unaware of the force a well delivered invitation can wield.   You can take a big swing that can spark dramatic impact, even the launch of an awesome connection with a woman who might become your wife.  

Of course you might experience a form of those overly dreaded words of denial, but either way, every single ask action strengthens and moves you forward in pursuit of your wife.

So you’re saying there is a chance! – Jim Carrey

Overcoming 

Sales training teaches men and women to overcome their fear of rejection   But it is actual sales experience that obliterates hindrance from the inner core of the salesperson, and once a man or woman is free from this phobia they are primed to dominate the territory.   If you’ve known anyone who worked for the Southwestern Co. selling educational resources face to face, they’ll tell you about the day they overcame apprehension.  Once they squelched their own internal reticence to approach someone for a sale, they were unstoppable!

What could happen if you operated with a steely confidence in the dating arena?

Dominating fear isn’t meant for recklessness, to the detriment of women and the pilfering of things not yours.  Harnessing the Power of The Ask enables you to stay on point and with a single volley, lay the ground work for your future family.

By learning to ask you can confidently engage a woman who has drawn your attention!

What’s The Big Deal?

The overall tone of this website is marriage driven and heavy on purposeful action. Therefore intentional steps toward the desire of your heart is our talking point!   On a light hearted note, I have to ask, “Why do many adults make such a big deal about asking someone out?”

It Felt Like Junior High.

Seriously, the guy-girl climate in the young singles group that I entered post-college graduation was relationally regressive.   Here we were working jobs with fancy titles, degrees hanging on our walls,  but asking a female out for a meal required an Act of Congress.  

For some, disappointment over arriving at an unwanted junction may have contributed to the juvenile dynamics.   When you find yourself in an environment permeated with anxiety & complacency, be a confident asker and you’ll plow your through the ice!

Asking someone for one set appointment to explore marriage potential, while a meaningful expenditure, should not be over analyzed or reported.  Any community of single adult men and women should have a thriving climate of asking.   It’s normal people!!! Men should be free to ask and women eager & empowered to respond!

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky

No Regrets

Many men would tell you personally they have no regrets over the ladies that they did ask out. It is the ones that they didn’t ask out that leave them wondering.   What might have happened? You now have a chance to be bold in pursuit of your wife.  Follow God’s lead and be a man! Who will you ask out today?

The righteous are as bold as a lion – Proverbs 28:1

When your have the compulsion to ask – DO IT! Stop letting intimidation by extraneous bystanders dictate your action.

Super Bowl 2013 featured an amazing inspirational commercial accurately entitled, “Bravery.”

Watch it here for jolt of zeal!

What You’re Asking

You’re asking for a sliver of time, a window of a specific woman’s day to peal back the layers behind her public persona.  You’re asking for the courtesy of granting you initial consideration as a potential marriage partner.   Nothing more.   Taking her on a date does not obligate her to choose you or reciprocate in any way.  You’re  just requesting an opportunity to get into the game, to take a shot, a few moments to present your case.   More specifically, here is what you are asking for:

  • Time together that is primarily devoid of interaction with others.    Not some creepy alone time, just an outing where uninterrupted verbal interaction is the prime fare.
  • Consideration of your inner person, beyond your appearance, reputation and social facade.
  • Respectfully and confidentiality get to know you and progressively reveal herself.

Putting The Power To Work

The to secret to willpower is want power. – John Maxwell

When you increase your rate of asking, you’ll get dinged a few times and track one of the most wondrous adventures of your life.   In the singles community one of the most common refrains was, “why don’t men ask us out?”  Women really are disheartened that on a wide-scale men are behind in performing their basic role in the coming together process.

Oh that men would just ask!

Friend and blogger Monica Leija details this frustration here.  Men, you can be the change starting now!   Picture what might begin to unfold even today if you  ASKED her out.   Just as the God fearing man is to ask of the Lord, so the marriage seeking man should ask after a maiden.   Unfortunately in our day, many men attempt to begin a relationship via other avenues besides a traditional one-on-one date.   Brothers this should not be!

Ask and will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you – Matthew 7:7

A Day For Asking

Our country is in such dire need of men asking women out that we propose to designate an annual day for this sole purpose in January.  On this one momentous day we would challenge every single man to ask a woman out for a date – the co-worker you’ve been flirting with, or the sweet single mother down the street.

This would be a MASSIVE momentum builder for Valentine’s Day.    Many are uneasy about initiating anything brand new right around Valentine’s Day so this timing would provide a month of lead-up time.   Let us know your thoughts.  More to come on this from Marriage Pursuit.

Ask her out in January, celebrate in February!  When in doubt, Just ASK!

Onward,

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