Basic human contact – the meeting of the eyes, the exchanging of words, is to the psyche what oxygen is to the brain. –Martha Beck
Meet In Person
This may sound ridiculous, to have a chapter in a Christian dating tips book about meeting in person, but this is the modern world we are talking about. In the second decade of the 21st century, people are increasingly connecting electronically days or even weeks before they actually meet physically. Today it is quite possible for a man and woman to connect via online mediums, through their own initiative or the assistance of mutual friends, and develop an extensive conversation. Exciting for sure, these digital dates, fueled by the variety of communication tools widely available today, sometimes delay an in-person meeting until extensive verbal and written communication has already taken place. Incredibly, you can get to know a potential mate on a deep personal level prior to ever meeting them in person. This is a phenomenally odd predicament exacerbated by the warp speed with which we can now communicate. Our emails run circles around our grandparents’ letters, giving rise to all new marriage pursuit dynamics.
Christian Dating Tips
It is an essential imperative that you meet; make plans to convene together soon for several key reasons. First, actual off-line relationships operate within the dynamics of both our physicality and our mental-spiritual complex. If you take weeks to finally meet-up, you may become involved in a fatally imbalanced “relationship.” Our physical frames matter and must be front and center in the development of any real relationship. Otherwise, your relationship may become one that is malformed and unsustainable in the real conditions of daily living. Therefore I share Christian dating tips, including within two weeks of a flare up that you meet up. Yes, I know this can be a major undertaking for people in different cities; nonetheless, you must make it happen or press pause until a path opens up. Please understand that I am a huge proponent of any medium that enables men and women to legitimately connect with one another for the prospect of marriage. Once you’ve have made digital contact and established a quick rapport evidenced by significant commonality, the priority is to meet. Wait for face time to build more connection and then let anticipation take flight. In a shocking example, one young lady met a young man through a dating site who lived in the next big city over.
Christian Dating Tips
Though the distance was only a few hour drive, a combination of financial and work pressures prevented them from meeting for over two months. During this time, they built a connection through texting, phone conversations and even video chatting together. They shared their stories, laughed and dreamed together of potential to come. When they finally did meet in her hometown, their time was clouded with awkwardness and disjointed interaction. They knew the depths of the heart, but had none of the personal familiarity that can only come from quality time in the physical presence of another. Even with so much build-up, the relationship quickly fractured and ended. We could contrast relationships of this form, overloaded on the front with long-distance connectivity, with the letter writing bridges of our ancestors. The data transmitted between a modern day relationship with hours of phone conversations and thousands of texts, emails and messages would dwarf the piles of letters exchanged between grandma and grandpa across the corn fields. An article on texting provides further illumination on the quirks of dating today, stating that twenty-four percent of people would end an exclusive, marriage-pursuit style relationship via text message. This style of impersonalized interaction is wholly unacceptable for mature adults. Face time at all points of the relationship is pivotal.
An Email Breakup?
I received word recently that a friend’s boyfriend broke up with her via email today. This demonstrates a stark insensitivity to the situation. Clearly, we’ve got to get more personal and less digital in pursuing our mate. Have you ever been attracted to someone through their profile and a dose of digital communication, but experienced a rapid decline in motivation when you met them in person? This is not uncommon; sometimes we develop an attraction without a complete sense of a person’s physicality. In these instances, we don’t know that we aren’t attracted. This may sound superficial at the onset, but please remember that underplaying physical chemistry can be devastating, wasting time and damaging emotionally. Physical attraction is the number one factor in partner choice according to both men and women, out-pacing both earning prospects and personality. The bottom line here is that you should allow a balanced sexual pull to guide your initial relationship formation and not rely solely on verbal or written communication and photographs. It is not vain to acknowledge the importance of the physical, for it is in person that you make your external determination if this person is within your zone. Physicality cannot be effectively gauged through any means other than a live appearance.
When I First Saw My Wife
When I first laid eyes on Jennifer, I knew that I was drawn to her. We were introduced at a church social event and for ten minutes excitedly chatted near the dance floor. Ironically after connecting this way, I thought leveraging social media would be a smooth next move. At the end of a conversation, I told Jenn that I would, “find her on Facebook.” In hindsight, I should have been more clear in my intention to pursue her. Without a full understanding of her relational availability, I went with the discreet approach. In the digital age, meeting in person is more than ever an absolute imperative. Christian dating tips: carrying on pseudo-relationships for more than a month jeopardizes your time and emotional investment. You can connect through various means, but you must quickly meet in person within five communication exchanges. One of the most important assessments that you’ll make in the first thirty days is determining your attraction level with the new man or woman in your life. You’ve got to definitively know with an affirmative yes or a confident no. There’s no middle ground. Researchers postulate that men and women have a sex appeal, slightly above and below their own personal attractiveness, which they will instinctively consider in a potential mate during the process of selection. Inherently we are looking for the best possible mate for reproduction and the survival of the next generation. From documentary findings, men are more visual and their initial reads are usually firm, but women are able to subliminally adjust their attraction meter based on other desirable characteristics such as earning potential and personality. Please understand that you need not marry a super model or succumb to any other societal driven ideals. Forget about trying to impress anyone else with the appearance of your new beau; focus on your own attraction.
Christian Dating Tips: Focus Only On Your Attraction
Your attraction is what matters here. Remember, preferred body types and beauty indicators have varied widely throughout the ages. Your task is simple; you need only answer one question at this point. Are you attracted to this person? If they fall within your instinctive range of attraction, proceed with pep! I remember hearing a young lady in college describe this this concept in rather frank language, “Can you imagine yourself having sex with him?” Her approach may have been stark, but her evaluative query was on track. There is no reason to take one more step inside this relationship if you do you not sense a fundamental, base level physical attraction to this person (under normal conditions). Having this drive is prerequisite. I knew immediately that I was attracted to Jennifer that evening. Something powerful kept me fixated on her as the motion of the party swirled around us. There was a palpable magnetism that focused our attention on each other. It was supernatural attraction which clued me in to my wife! Action points for these Christian dating tips include:
Resolve to meet in person quickly.
Meet in a high-traffic venue & notify friends of your plans.
Determine if a second date should take place.